From as far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom.
I come from a large extended family and am near the end in a long line of cousins. This provided me with many opportunities to care for babies and toddlers and I remember being the happiest while carrying one of them on my hip.
My dream of becoming a mother was supposed to follow the typical pattern: go to college, fall in love, get a job, get married, have 4 kids together.
Little did I know, God had other plans.
By my mid 30’s I had a job I loved, my own home and 2 dogs, but no marriage prospects. My desire to become a mother continued to strengthen and I started exploring options. Through prayer and support from family and friends, I decided to use a sperm donor and IUI in the hopes of getting pregnant.
Through God’s grace, I became pregnant on my third attempt and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.
It’s been awhile since I’ve updated! The busyness of the holidays, reorganizing the blog on our own domain name (YAY! and thank you to Ed), plus the start of my most recent endeavor, has put me very behind on updating here. So, I wanted to get a quick update out before my time is consumed with preparing for EG’s third birthday. HOW is she almost 3 already??
We had an amazing Christmas. Had time to spend as a family of 2 (plus Violet) as well as getting together with extended family. We even had the opportunity to spend a week and a half in Florida right after Christmas. The 18 hour drive was not the best, but we were blessed with spending time with family we don’t often see. There was also LOTS of sunshine. EG was a big fan of the sun. Every day since we’ve been home, if the sun isn’t shining, she says “Oh no. Sun all gone. We need sunshine.” We cannot wait to go back for spring break! We are truly blessed to have family in Florida, otherwise these trips would not be attainable.
That brings me to the “new endeavor.” I decided to start an Etsy shop. I am constantly being creative for various events, and I thought it would be fun to share those creations. I am just in the beginning phases with only a few designs right now, but I added a special “Mom and Me” design today.
I started calling EG my Little Honey Bee while I was still pregnant, before she had a given name. I absolutely loved every moment of being pregnant, it was the happiest I had been in my life up to that point. I loved to put my hands on my stomach and talk and sing to my Honey Bee. It was a very special time and this design honors that connection and memory. I added the link if you want to check it, or any of my other designs out…plus I’m running a 15% off sale through the weekend!
Families come together in many beautiful ways. The question for me was: How do I build MY family?
My first thought was adoption. I have amazing cousins who joined my extended family through adoption at very young ages. I immediately bonded with them and hoped to incorporate adoption one day in the building of my own family. This was the first avenue I researched. I know of couples who have waited years to adopt a child and I felt that being single would limit my opportunities to adopt in the United States.
I then researched international adoption. I found that there were a handful of countries that allowed a single person to adopt. As I continued to gather information, I discovered that all of the countries required lengthy stays abroad before being able to complete the adoption. Some countries required multiple visits. This time is important for matching children, but I knew that in my situation I would not be able to leave work for such extended periods of time.
Alongside my research of these two forms of adoption, I also found out about embryo adoption. This option would allow me to adopt embryo’s that had previously been frozen and stored by couples who did not plan to attempt further pregnancies. This idea really interested me, as I would have the opportunity to experience pregnancy and I would know the child from birth.
One day during my research, I remembered the Jennifer Aniston movie The Switch. Aniston’s character plans to inseminate herself with donor sperm. This prompted me to research insemination options. This opened the door to an idea I had not ever thought of, a baby through the help of a sperm donor.
After prayer and conversations with my family and friends, I decided that I my heart’s desire was to have the opportunity to experience pregnancy with a child who was biologically related to me. I decided it would be the first path I would try to build my family, and if needed I would again explore the other options.
I grew up in a Christian family with parents and a grandmother who showed me how to love and care for others. We started going to church regularly when I was in middle school. My parents always let it be my choice of how involved in church I wanted to be, while also encouraging my personal relationship with God.
I immersed myself in church. I attended Sunday services, Wednesday night youth group, volunteer activities and mission trips. I loved God and loved putting Him first in my life.
I attended a Christian college after high school and was excited for all of the new opportunities that awaited. I knew that I wanted to experience as many different aspects of college life as I could. I played on the softball team for one season, joined a sorority, attended chapel, took theater and chorus classes, and formed many new friendships during my 4 years in college. I truly had an amazing time.
After graduating from college, I was lucky to get my first teaching job the same year I graduated. At that time, teaching jobs were difficult to secure as there was an abundance of certified teachers in my state. There was a layer of new-found freedom as I began earning money and paying my own bills. I adopted a dog, bought a condo, adopted another dog and spent my time with friends.
OnyxOliver
I didn’t realize it at the time l, but I began putting my desires in front of my relationship with God. I never walked away from my connection to Him, but I had moved Him from my forefront to the backseat and as the years passed, I moved Him further and further back. I still prayed, attended church occasionally, volunteered in the nursery at times, but God did not have the same priority in my life as He once had. I only sought Him out when things weren’t going well.
I remember at one point during my early 30s, I cried out to God and was angry that I did not have the “picture perfect” family I had dreamed of. In that moment He was there for me, just like every other time.
That’s when I felt Him remind me that there are many ways to form a family. This gentle tug on my heart is what started my journey in researching options for becoming a single mom.
I am a Christian woman who always wanted to be a mother. Through God’s grace I was able to become a choice momma through sperm donation and IUI. My hope is that this blog will be a place to share our journey and support others along the way.
